We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
