hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It's like God shit irony all over that family
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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