Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
