one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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