hotel room ftw
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
