I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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