dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
