My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
