well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
