Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
