i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
