I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
