I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
