Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
