Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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