i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
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My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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