At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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