my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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