Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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