Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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