my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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