I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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