he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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