yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
