a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Pants are for mortals
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.