that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying