theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?