Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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