Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
