One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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