Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
