do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
