I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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