You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He passed out mid-signature
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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