I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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