Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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