We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
