Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
