Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
