jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
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THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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