dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
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Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
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I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
FUCK WHALES
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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