Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
