the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
