we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
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It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
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He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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