I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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