Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i think i have herpe
just one?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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