Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
