My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
