he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
