omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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