He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How naked do you want me to be?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
