Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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