Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
