hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
