And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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