Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
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I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
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Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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