If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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