she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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