shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
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I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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