there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
