my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
