why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
