There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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