I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize