She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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