you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
