considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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