dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
