Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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