are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
