i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
