I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
