I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
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