a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize