dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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